Vertical Communities

—Chris Krycho

Since I left for college, I have had few relationships with people over 25 and almost none with people under 18. That's a problem. It's a problem that Jaimie and I are fighting—by our choice of Adult Fellowship group and finding places to serve in the church. But it's a problem that we can't entirely fix, either: the church we attend, like most in evangelical circles, age-segregates.

In most churches I've been to, every age group—from infants on up—gets broken off into age-segregated groups. That's not necessarily a bad thing; so far, most of my close friendships have been with my peers. I would even say that we need friendships with peers, so dedicated times with peers in our church can be helpful. The problem arises when it becomes difficult to connect with others outside of our age range. Because of the emphasis on peer groups, it is (unfortunately) hard not to fall into this trap, because we so deeply need peer relationships. When we primarily age-segregate our congregations, we miss out on some of the best aspects of the community of believers.

One of the great joys of growing up in a small church was that I had real relationships with people of every age. In high school, I could talk to the honored 80-year old World War II veteran in our congregation or the 8-year-olds who looked up to me with equal ease. I had friendships (that continue to this day) with men twenty years older than me.

That's a lot harder to do in a church of 800 than it is in a church of 50 or 80, but it's necessary. God has called his people to be unified. The body has an immense diversity of gifts (1 Corinthians 12:4-26), and there is much that we can learn from each other. I learned about the character of God and how he works from teaching 12-year-olds; I learned from mentors twice my age, and I watched those mentors learn from my peers, too. God calls the church to unity, an unusual unity, one that stands in stark contrast to the disunity of the world. Our diversity—whether in personality, age, or other category—can make unity a challenge, but it's a challenge that's worth fighting for.

When we make the effort to reach out to each other, to get beyond the walls of comfort and security, we demonstrate God's love and the power of Christ to set the church apart from the world. Peter reminds us, "As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ" (1 Peter 4:10-11).

We need each other. Young adults need small children to teach them humility and middle-agers to teach them wisdom. Tired parents need young couples to stir up their love and retirees to teach them endurance. Teenagers need young adults as examples of passionate pursuit of God and the elderly to teach them not to waste their lives. We all need each other.

So my plea to churches is: however you do it, find a way to implement verticality in your church. Keep on building those peer relationships, but work hard not to stop there. Pastors, teach your congregation to wholeheartedly embrace college students, and teach the college students to dive in and work hard in ministry. Whether it's creatively reorganizing your small group model or scrapping your normal Sunday School program in favor of an intentional multi-age equipping time, actively pursue unity across age groups.

Whatever you choose practically, you'll get nowhere without a foundation of solid teaching, and you'll see little progress until the elders model multigenerational relationships themselves. And be encouraged: young adults our age wants vertical relationships! Teach us and lead us and invest in our lives. We need you (and you need us).